“I’m here for you”

These sound like comforting words. These sound like words that make you secure. These sound like words that should make you feel comfortable being yourself. They sound like a beacon of hope. But let me tell you about these words. They come with fine print. They come with a word of caution. There are unspoken words that tag along to the end of that statement. “I’m here for you…until I’m not.” …until it isn’t fun, …until it isn’t convenient, …until it gets too hard, …until I see how bad it actually is.

I’ve seen first hand someone speak these words to me, to give me reassurance that they will understand what I am going through, and they will be a rock when I can’t stand anymore, that I don’t have to work so hard to make myself seem happy when I’m not to please other people, and then as soon as I let my guard down I’m left in the dust.

I have this to say to those people: don’t say what you don’t mean. Don’t say what you think needs to be said to someone you see struggling because one day they will take you up on those words. They will lean on you emotionally and it’s going to be messy. It will be sad. And it will probably be something you’ve never seen before. When the dust clears from those walls breaking down you damn well better still be standing there like a light in the endless night ready to catch them when they fall. It may seem like a lot to ask of someone, but it is a lot to promise. If you can’t be that light, then don’t offer those words.

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